The Danger of Expectations

Your New Puppy Won't Be Like Your Last Dog (And That's Okay!)

One of the most common requests I get when people inquire about a puppy is for a calm, mellow dog, just like their last Bergamasco.

Maybe they have another Bergamasco at home who is super chill, or perhaps they've lost a beloved dog who seemed perfect in every way. Wanting that same dog again is completely understandable.

That dog was a perfect fit for your lifestyle, your daily routine, and your family. The relationship was comfortable and probably didn't require a whole lot of effort anymore. You understood each other.

But sometimes we forget how much work went into getting there.

As the years pass, those puppy days tend to fade from memory. We forget the training, the challenges, the chewed-up things, and the occasional frustrations. What we remember is the finished product: a calm, well-behaved dog who, in our minds, had very few faults, if any!

Of course, it's also possible that your dog really was that easy from day one. Some puppies are simply easier than others.

Temperament and personality are influenced by many different things. Genetics, early socialization, life experiences, environment, and training all play a role in shaping the dog you eventually live with.

And a lot depends on where you are in your own life.

Imagine taking the exact same puppy and raising it once when you're 30 and again when you're 70. Would you end up with the same dog?

Probably not!

Maybe at 30 you had children in the house, traveled more, or regularly took your dog to different places. At 70, perhaps your household is quieter, your routine is different, or you have more time to devote to training. Or maybe it's the other way around!

The point is that even with the exact same puppy, the experiences and opportunities you provide will influence the dog that puppy becomes.

Genetics Are Only Part of the Picture

Aside from all these environmental factors, your puppy's pedigree plays a significant role in temperament.

Although each puppy inherits half of its genetic material from its sire and half from its dam, littermates don't all inherit the same combinations of genes.

This is why you can have a wide variety of personalities and temperaments within the very same litter.

One puppy may be naturally outgoing and confident, another more reserved and thoughtful. One might be full of energy and always looking for something to do, while another is perfectly happy to sit back and watch the world go by.

Same parents, same litter, different puppies!

Each of these puppies will spend their first 8 to 12 weeks with their breeder. This is a critical period of development, and every breeder approaches it a little differently.

This is where the foundations are built.

Once a puppy leaves for its new home, much of that responsibility shifts to the new family. How you socialize your puppy, build confidence, encourage resilience, and teach it to navigate new situations will have a lasting influence on how that puppy develops.

The COVID-19 pandemic gave us some interesting examples of what can happen when puppies miss out on certain early experiences. I'm sure most of us know a COVID puppy and understand what that term has come to mean! I know I do, and I've experienced some of those challenges myself.

Of course, not every puppy raised during that period struggled, but it certainly reminded us how important experiences and socialization can be.

Let Your Puppy Be Its Own Dog

I think one of the most important things you can do when bringing home a new puppy is to let go of the expectation that it will be just like another dog you've loved.

Go into the relationship with an open mind and give yourself the opportunity to discover your puppy's unique personality.

Knowing your breed, understanding the pedigree, and having a good idea of the general temperament you can expect are all valuable. But those things are a starting point, not a guarantee.

Every puppy is an individual.

When considering a new puppy for your family, I think it's helpful to approach it with this mindset:

I'm open to getting to know this puppy for who it is, and I'm willing to put in the time to develop its confidence, encourage its natural abilities, and help it become the best version of itself.

Wishing for a puppy who is exactly like your last dog can set both of you up for disappointment.

That expectation may simply be impossible to meet, leaving you frustrated and your new puppy constantly being compared to a dog it can never be.

Think about all the years you spent building the relationship you had with your previous dog. All the little experiences, routines, challenges, and moments of understanding that brought you to the point where life together felt effortless.

Like any relationship, that kind of bond takes time and patience.

And sometimes we don't even recognize what a particular dog has taught us until years later.

So What Should You Ask Your Breeder For?

When you tell me you're looking for a calm, large merle male, or an outgoing black female who loves to hike, I understand exactly what you're hoping for.

And it's entirely possible that we'll have a puppy who grows up to fit that description!

But it's important to understand that we can't predict every aspect of the adult dog that puppy will become.

Much like raising children, we can provide a good foundation, encourage certain qualities, and guide them through their development, but we can't control every experience or predict exactly who they'll be as adults.

If you have very specific expectations about temperament, activity level, or lifestyle, it may actually be worth considering an older dog.

Breeders sometimes retire adult show dogs who are already trained and whose personalities are well established. Occasionally, rescues or rehomes become available in our breed as well.

With an older dog, you have a much clearer idea of the temperament you're bringing home, and in some situations, you may even have the opportunity for a trial period before making a final commitment.

There is nothing wrong with knowing what kind of dog works best for your life. In fact, I encourage families to be as open as possible with me about their expectations.

The important thing is understanding the difference between having a preference and expecting a guarantee.

This is also one of the reasons it's so important to work with an experienced, reputable breeder who knows the pedigrees and bloodlines behind their dogs. A breeder who has watched generations of dogs develop can make some pretty educated predictions about what to expect from a particular litter.

But even with all that experience, we can't predict everything.

The goal shouldn't be to recreate the dog you had before. It should be to build an equally wonderful relationship with the dog you have now.

And sometimes, the puppy who isn't quite what you thought you wanted turns out to be exactly the dog you needed.